I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
