If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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