Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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