her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
