i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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