some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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