check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
