i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
