if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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