R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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