was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
