i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i was born a porn star she said
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
