Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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