He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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