sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
