Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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