The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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