you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
