So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I faked an abortion last night.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
