he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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