Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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