worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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