you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
