I faked an abortion last night.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
