i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
