dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
