i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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