i barfeds in our rink
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
