all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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