So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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