friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
my poor anus
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
