I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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