i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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