final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
