He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
