Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
