Apparently you make a good broom.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
