woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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