I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
