my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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