Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
