the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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