Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
