I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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