i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
