just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
