AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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