My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
