I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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