Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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